HOW SHOULD I DEAL WITH MEANNESS?

 

The following is designed to help students deal with meanness.  As you can see, the

key ingredient in dealing with meanness is communication.  It is important for those

who are treating you poorly to know just how they are making you feel.  It is equally

important for you to deal with things right away.  The longer you let the mean

behaviors go unchecked, the angrier and more hurt you become.  When issues go on

for a long time, it is also much more difficult to deal with them.  Asking an adult for

help in dealing with meanness is not tattling.  Letting someone know that you need

help in dealing with meanness is a mature and appropriate thing to do.

 

 

          IF SOMEONE GETS PHYSICAL WITH YOU:

          You should immediately tell a teacher or other adult.

 

          IF SOMEONE IS CALLING YOU NAMES OR TEASING:

          You should ignore the name-calling the first time.  Ask yourself, “Is what he/she says true?” 

The likely answer is no, which means that you shouldn’t worry about what he/she is saying. 

Remember, what others say is only as important as you decide it is.

 

Talk to someone – a friend, teacher or parent – about what is going on.  This will help you to

realize that the mean comments are not true.

 

IF NAME-CALLING OR TEASING PERSISTS:

You should tell the person to stop.  If this doesn’t work, talk to a teacher or counselor.  At this

point, it is important for you to confront the person who is being mean in a controlled

environment.  You will have the opportunity to sit down with the person, and an adult,

to talk about what is going on.

 

This will be your opportunity to look the person in the eyes, tell them how they are making you

feel and tell them that it needs to stop.  This will also be an opportunity for you to hear from

that person why they are doing what they are doing.  While meanness is never the right thing

to do, there is usually something going on that causes someone to be mean.  If they have an

issue with you, this will be the chance for them to deal with it in a more positive way.

 

 

IF SOMEONE IS INTENTIONALLY EXCLUDING YOU OR TRYING TO “STEAL” FRIENDS:

You should talk to the person and let them know that you are feeling left out and/or hurt.  Do

this one-on-one when neither of your friends are around.  This isn’t always easy to do.  If you

are uncomfortable doing this on your own, talk to the counselor so that she can set up a time

for you to talk to this person with an adult present. 

 

This will be your opportunity to look the person in the eyes, tell them how they are making you

feel and tell them that it needs to stop.  This will also be an opportunity for you to hear from

that person why they are doing what they are doing.  While meanness is never the right thing

to do, there is usually something going on that causes someone to be mean.  If they have an

issue with you, this will be the chance for them to deal with it in a more positive way.

 

IF YOU THINK SOMEONE IS SPREADING RUMORS OR GOSSIPING ABOUT YOU:

You should talk to the person who is supposedly spreading the rumors before you do anything. 

Do this one-on-one when neither of you have friends around.  Too often people get upset

because they heard that someone is talking about them and find out that it wasn’t actually

happening.  Rumors, while hurtful, are often unreliable.  If you know that someone has been spreading

rumors about you, let them know that what they are saying is untrue and hurtful. 

This isn’t always easy to do.  If you are uncomfortable doing this on your own, talk to the

counselor so that she can set up a time for you to talk to this person with an adult present. 

 

This will be your opportunity to look the person in the eyes, tell them how they are making you

feel and tell them that it needs to stop.  This will also be an opportunity for you to hear from

that person why they are doing what they are doing.  While meanness is never the right thing

to do, there is usually something going on that causes someone to be mean.  If they have an

issue with you, this will be the chance for them to deal with it in a more positive way.

 

IF SOMEONE IS BEING MEAN IN ANY OTHER WAY:

How you deal with meanness is usually pretty easy.  Actually dealing with meanness in middle

school isn’t all that easy to do.  First, you make sure that someone is actually being mean and

doing it intentionally, then you talk with them about it and let them know how it makes you feel. 

Make sure you do this one-on-one, when neither of you have friends around.  You are more likely to

get real answers and have more success if there aren’t outside influences present.  If you can

do this on your own, great.  If you aren’t comfortable (don’t worry, many middle schoolers

aren’t) talk to the school counselor and have her set up a time for you to talk with an adult

present.

 

This will be your opportunity to look the person in the eyes, tell them how they are making you

feel and tell them that it needs to stop.  This will also be an opportunity for you to hear from

that person why they are doing what they are doing.  While meanness is never the right thing

to do, there is usually something going on that causes someone to be mean.  If they have an

issue with you, this will be the chance for them to deal with it in a more positive way.

 

 

Meanness is a behavior.  Meanness is something you choose to do.

  Meanness is something we can stop if we all STAND TOGETHER.